AUSTRALIAN MPS Quotes

“I was implying that the Honourable Member for Wentworth was like a lizard on a rock – alive, but looking dead.”

“I suppose that the Honourable Gentleman’s hair, like his intellect, will recede into the darkness.”

“That you Jim? Paul Keating here. Just because you swallowed a fucking dictionary when you were about 15 doesn’t give you the right to pour a bucket of shit over the rest of us.”

And finally in Melbourne a few years back there was a lot of noise in the media after one politician accused another of “having a couple of kangaroos loose in the top paddock”.

Science gets the last laugh on ethnic jokes

Heaven is where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss. Hell is where…

Heaven is where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.

From:
Science gets the last laugh on ethnic jokes – Science Mysteries – MSNBC.com

Hi stranger

You have received a Friendster message from Olga. The message was sent on 07/15/05 08:16 AM.

Ogla on display
Hi stranger.
I have found your email in the Internet.
I want to find the man for serious relations and probably creations of family.
I want to know you more.
I’ll tell you a little about myself.
My name is Olga.
I’m 28 years old.
I live in Russia in city Yaransk.
I like to do in for sports.
I write, read and I talk in English not so bad.
I have never been married and I do not have children.
And unfortunately, I have not found my second half.
But I want to do it.
Probably we can become more than simply friends.
I wait for your letter and photo.
My email adress is olgamay@something.ru
If you will write me I’ll send you more photos and it will be a beginning of our correspondence.
With impatience I wait your reply.
Olga.

SS Joke

If only I’d forgotten the punchline…

If only I’d forgotten the punchline…
“The first time I met my g/f’s parents, we
had a cracking piss up, got absolutely ratted
then started telling jokes. They were getting
progressively nearer the knuckle so I thought
it safe to tell her Dad my favourite (“Did
you hear the one about the SS Commandant?”
then as they say “no” you slap them around
the head and shout “LIAR” in your best Jerry
accent). Firstly I knocked her Dad off his
seat, secondly I had completely forgotten
that they were Jewish. I’ve not been invited
round since.”

thanks to Seb for forwaring this one.

What are Microsoft trying to say?

NERD FLASH – similar to the predictive text
stuff we’ve mentioned recently, jon l writes…

NERD FLASH – similar to the predictive text stuff we’ve mentioned recently, jon l writes, “There’s an odd thing in Microsoft Word: “jesus” is not automatically corrected to a capital J whereas “hitler” is.” Woo. This makes us as happy as when we learnt that searching for “monkeys” in a Microsoft clip-art application it produced photos of affluent black people.

Thanks seb

On a similar vain I’ve notice that with predictive text if you spell ‘lips’ the next predictive text option will be ‘kiss’. Also ‘anal’ -> ‘cock’. Any others?