Recent “job” offer

Cool job offer guy

So I was minding my own business when I little alert email from my Ubercart account came in to tell me that i had a message waiting. I haven’ been involved in the Ubercart project for over 2 years and was surprised. I was unamazed to find an job offer (since the last 10 messages from there have been individuals looking for a cheap way to get an online store happening). The job offer was fairly long and boring so I didn’t bother reading it before my first replay:

Me
where is it and whats the rate?
NorWing
You can work from home.
We’re in European Union.
The project have a fix price. We’re not interested regarding hourly rate.
Thank you for your attention!

The words “fixed price” immediately made me lose interest. Every web-geek has done her fair share of “fixed price” jobs with unfixed hours. BUT you never knew. They might have a lot of cash “fixed”…?

Me
So then what is the time frame and how much can you offer?
NorWing
Your question it’s not pretty cool..
You don’t know nothing about the project and you’re asking for money?

“cool”? I knew this guy was a serious business guy now I did. But he was right! I still hadn’t read anything about the job. So I did…

General Requirements:
• Proficiency in PHP and Javascript, preferably jQuery
• Experience with Drupal, preferably Drupal 7
• Familiarity with Context, Features and other Drupal site-building modules
• Experience with version control, especially Git
• Familiarity with Apache, Nginx, Linux, MySQL
• Knowledge of web standards, including HTML, XHTML, CSS, XML
• Creativity, initiative, follow-through, meticulous attention to detail
and impeccable organizational skills

The usual “You will know EVERY technology we can think of which may-or-may-not be relavent to this project (just in case)”. The ending was interesting however:

We request technical recommendations and technical plan for the project.
Also we want to see your projects in Drupal 7 / Ubercart 3 and recommendations from these projects!

Time frame it’s VERY VERY important! In this way, you’ll work with our team.

Payments: we’ll release multiple payments after every specified task according with oDesk policy for fixed price jobs. We don’t release upfront payments.
The contract can be divided in max. 5 tasks.

IF YOU’RE THINKING THAT YOU’RE NOT EXPERT IN THIS KIND OF WORK, PLEASE DON’T SPEND YOUR TIME AND DON’T APPLY!

WE PREFER INDIVIDUAL DEVELOPER(Engineer!), INSTEAD COMPANY!

Yes, the old “Time frame it’s VERY VERY important!” line, and they prefer individuals (because a company won’t work off the clock and demand a contract).

AND then there is oDesk. If the Egyptian Pharaohs where asked to design an online job market, they would have come up with oDesk. As they say “See work-in-progress screenshots”. You can feel the man standing over you with the whip.

Me

Not pretty cool?

I thought we were talking about business not fashion? Your the one who mass-emailed me (which is really not pretty or cool).

Yes, i’m talking money because who works for free? I guess your after a “cool” developer who works for free or around 2euros/hour. We call them suckers in the web game (or any other game really).

Besides, your the one who says “Time frame it’s VERY VERY important!”. If your paying dick then i guess it is, but you havent said what the time frame is or how much per task. I guess you thought it was important BECAUSE ITS THE ONLY PARTY YOU LEFT THE CAPS-LOCK ON FOR.

So stop pulling by cock and tell me what the story is.

NorWing
yes. 1euro/hour..is fine?

I couldn’t actually tell if he was serious at this point. Then i guess he realised that i wasn’t…

NorWing
if you’re so smart, please tell me how I can post a job in ubercart.org
thank you!
Me
Its not posting its spamming, and i would tell you but your paying a little under my usual rate. That is for sitting in front of a computer! I would, however, fart your national anthem:

  • in any key you want
  • on my back or facing downwards
  • with the last note captured in a paper bag
  • and you can watch on oDesk
  • For your 1euro/hour rate.
  • What do you say, you like? I have many customers who can recommend me for this. Thank you for your attention!

You’ll be sad to know: he didn’t get back to me.

Zombies in the pool…

This summer I hung out in the Czech Republic in the lovely town of B?ha?ov with Sonya. Tina and her boyfriend Phill dropped by and Julia so, inspired by the movie Zombie Lake (1981), we decided to make a music-video called Making Fools, which is now up on Sonya’s website. It is my first completed track (so far, and not really indicative of what I’m into but it was made in one day with on a nasty hangover).

AUSTRALIAN MPS Quotes

“I was implying that the Honourable Member for Wentworth was like a lizard on a rock – alive, but looking dead.”

“I suppose that the Honourable Gentleman’s hair, like his intellect, will recede into the darkness.”

“That you Jim? Paul Keating here. Just because you swallowed a fucking dictionary when you were about 15 doesn’t give you the right to pour a bucket of shit over the rest of us.”

And finally in Melbourne a few years back there was a lot of noise in the media after one politician accused another of “having a couple of kangaroos loose in the top paddock”.

John Waters Divine Filth

Last night I saw a movie that revolted me so much I could not watch anymore: Pink Flamingos (1972). I can not remember when a movie had last pulled such utter revolt from me. It was to the point I was almost throwing up. Fantastic!

However, it has in a way inspired the Urban Uncle project and given it a style, ‘Trash’, which brings its own freedoms to create. All are encouraged to go out and film their own trashy dreams and ideas. This is what I believe the Punk or New Wave movement was about the “Just do it” attitude. But I digress…

Pink Flamingos intro credits
Continue reading “John Waters Divine Filth”