Fun dumby text for all the kids

Ten years ago a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem and no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-team.

Some creative dumby text for you web developers out there thanks to malevole.

Never trust Microsoft again

Declan had a funny rant about the latest of Microsoft’s attempts to win our web development hearts back and flamed a Microsoft Stooge in the process. But why do they need to win our hearts? You don’t see Apple playing this game and Mac people are almost on par with Mormons when it comes to ranting about their shiny toys.

The major complain I have against Microsoft is that they are followers. They want to control the market place but don’t know where to take it. Open Source and the Standards groups have been leading the way with web technology since Mozilla.org started up. Microsoft is still in beta with their IE7 that touts the ‘latest technologies’ (i.e. RSS, tabbed browsing, CSS1) that FireFox has had for a couple of years now, and even Safari, the product of a much smaller company, is already up to speed. Hell, even Opera is leaving IE behind in the browser game.

Continue reading “Never trust Microsoft again”

Science gets the last laugh on ethnic jokes

Heaven is where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss. Hell is where…

Heaven is where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.

From:
Science gets the last laugh on ethnic jokes – Science Mysteries – MSNBC.com

Hello my dear friend Alexander !

Hello my dear friend Alexander !
I am very glad that you have responded to my short message to you.
Really pleasantly that I have interested you.
As you know from my short letter my name is Olga!

Olga sitting

Hello my dear friend Alexander !
I am very glad that you have responded to my short message to you.
Really pleasantly that I have interested you.
As you know from my short letter my name is Olga!
I hope to you this name is pleasant.
I’m 28 years old!
I hope my age of you I do not confuse also to you approaches!
I was born in city under name Yaransk.
Probably you did not hear about this city because it is small city which is located in a southwest of the Kirov area!
It is about 850 kilometres from Moscow.
You may take a map of Russia and try to find my city.
It is located on the river Yaran so it will be easier to you find it.
My city small but very beautiful.
The beauty is created with set of greens and water.
I have received secondary education in this city.
After the ending 11 Classes at school number 3, I have left to act in Yoshkar-Ola in university and have successfully acted on economical faculty!
On a speciality I the manager!
After the successful ending of university I have come back home and has tried to find work on a speciality.
But as city at us small I can not find anything suitable on my speciality.
In a result I was employed in a shop by the seller where I work now.
The truth I dream of the best work but it is necessary to be content with that that is.
You probably know that in Russia a problem with workplaces.
I have slightly run forward and have overlooked to tell about my childhood.
At school I studied perfectly and all Spoke that I the gifted child.
I was very quick child and inquisitive.
When I went to school I went to dance school and I engaged in dances.
And now I am still engaged in them, in the days off I go in dance school.
Except for that I actively went in for sports.
When I have free time I go to the training hall.
In the winter I loved a ski and skates.
And in the summer I like to swim in the river.
In university I to be engaged began professionally navigation and volleyball.
The first at me turned out better.
I have many diplomas and letters on navigation.
But all of them now lay in a case.
You are interested probably by that why I have addressed to the Internet to find the partner in life?
Simply strangely enough it sounds but I could not grow fond of the person in Russia!
I had many partners but with anybody at me has failed to get serious relations.
I have girlfriend which too has found the love in the Internet and she has advised me to try.
And it at me the first experience and I hope that all to turn out I always I hope for the best.
We shall look that will be farther.
And why you search for the girl in the Internet?
Do you like Russian girls and why?
Did you have serious relations earlier?
Probably you were married?
Do you have children?
And in general as you concern to children?
I very much love children.
In future I’ll want have 2 children: boy and girl.
Though my dream to work at the big company.
As you probably interests on my intentions how many are serious?
And that I want further?
I in general very serious person also do not joke with such things as love a marriage and so forth.
I am going to construct serious relations and it is possible to leave for the husband further!
In a word I search for the big love!
Probably she still exists in our world where so much bad.
And if she is that I necessarily her Finde.
Who knows probably we with you we shall go far in our relations.
Who knows probably you and there is my prince on a white horse.
Now I want to learn what your intentions and that you want from relations?
Do you want a marriage?
Do you want family and children?, or you search simply friendship?
What the marriage means for you?
For me the marriage is the most important and serious step in life and he needs to be made safely and is considered.
Many people concern not seriously to this and as a result get divorced. I do not want to make such mistakes.
Now I live with my mum which call Nadezhda or am simple Nadya!

She works as the cook at school where I studied.
She perfectly is going and has learned me to make masterpieces of cookery.
Daddy at me is not present and there was no he has thrown my mum when she was pregnant.
And my mum forbids to me to speak about him.
As you can see it was necessary she to my mums is not sweet also does not want that with me has taken place as.
Somehow at us conversation was and she has told that even if to me will come she will not leave her against if only I was in reliable and loving hands.
On this note I want to finish this letter to you.
Sincerely I hope that you will answer and that I have liked you.
It will be pleasant for me to continue with you correspondence!
Yours faithfully Olga from Russia!

Hi stranger

You have received a Friendster message from Olga. The message was sent on 07/15/05 08:16 AM.

Ogla on display
Hi stranger.
I have found your email in the Internet.
I want to find the man for serious relations and probably creations of family.
I want to know you more.
I’ll tell you a little about myself.
My name is Olga.
I’m 28 years old.
I live in Russia in city Yaransk.
I like to do in for sports.
I write, read and I talk in English not so bad.
I have never been married and I do not have children.
And unfortunately, I have not found my second half.
But I want to do it.
Probably we can become more than simply friends.
I wait for your letter and photo.
My email adress is olgamay@something.ru
If you will write me I’ll send you more photos and it will be a beginning of our correspondence.
With impatience I wait your reply.
Olga.

SS Joke

If only I’d forgotten the punchline…

If only I’d forgotten the punchline…
“The first time I met my g/f’s parents, we
had a cracking piss up, got absolutely ratted
then started telling jokes. They were getting
progressively nearer the knuckle so I thought
it safe to tell her Dad my favourite (“Did
you hear the one about the SS Commandant?”
then as they say “no” you slap them around
the head and shout “LIAR” in your best Jerry
accent). Firstly I knocked her Dad off his
seat, secondly I had completely forgotten
that they were Jewish. I’ve not been invited
round since.”

thanks to Seb for forwaring this one.

What are Microsoft trying to say?

NERD FLASH – similar to the predictive text
stuff we’ve mentioned recently, jon l writes…

NERD FLASH – similar to the predictive text stuff we’ve mentioned recently, jon l writes, “There’s an odd thing in Microsoft Word: “jesus” is not automatically corrected to a capital J whereas “hitler” is.” Woo. This makes us as happy as when we learnt that searching for “monkeys” in a Microsoft clip-art application it produced photos of affluent black people.

Thanks seb

On a similar vain I’ve notice that with predictive text if you spell ‘lips’ the next predictive text option will be ‘kiss’. Also ‘anal’ -> ‘cock’. Any others?